An honest appraisal from Johnnie Cass
I loved this article that I received by email by Johnnie Cass of Unlimited Success, trainer & speaker about mindset and strategies for wealth & success:
Do you tell the Truth all of the time, some of the time, and would you ‘lie’ if it were ‘better’ for the other person?
“No, you look great in that outfit.”
“I’m fine, don’t worry.”
“Our sex life is great.”
Do you hold back from saying the Truth, to avoid conflict or pain?
“I’m annoyed that you’re late.”
“You don’t listen to me.”
“You don’t pay me attention.”
“You’re not grateful and you don’t respect me.”
And if you do, does it make you feel better or worse, both in the moment and as it stores up inside – sometimes over years and years?
Here’s the thing about Truth – it’s rarely the ‘easy’ option, to be honest with someone. And you might be surprised that even when you don’t think you’re lying, you’re either lying, or you’re holding back from telling the Truth:
You’re lying to yourself.
Why do we do this?
Because we need people to like us, love us, accept us and respect us. We don’t want the pain, embarrassment or the conflict that we think the truth brings.
So we think we are lying to protect others, but actually we are lying to protect ourselves, and we justify it internally.
But it eats you up, doesn’t it? It suppresses and brews and doesn’t make us feel any better. It can often lead to years of frustration, and much pain in relationships – pain that we blame OTHERS for.
The fact is that if we don’t tell the truth, people can’t like, love and accept us for who we are, because we are lying to them – we are withholding who we really are and offering a front; an alter ego of ourselves.
The front thinks it is serving to protect us, but it is actually giving a false image of who we really are.
This false image is accepted by others to be our true self, and we become liked or loved, or disliked, or worse hated, based on this front, or alter ego.
The irony is that we will never feel truly loved by anyone, as even if they do accept us, they are accepting our alter ego. And we will never show them our true selves in order to be truly appreciated for who we really are.
We expect people to ‘understand’ us, but we are not communicating who we are to them – and it becomes a viscous cycle as the Truth becomes harder and harder, and we feel more and more alone, disconnected and resentful.
How will you ever attract the person of your dreams, or the right team mates / employees / JV partners, if you are never showing the world who you really are?
At best they will connect with your alter ego front, and at worse you’ll never be found or understood by anyone.
And consider this: if you don’t show who you ~really~ are, how will the beautiful souls on the planet who are looking for ~you~, find you?
They’ll see your “front”, and move on!
So try this:
Next time you have an opportunity to tell someone the Truth as you see it, even if in that moment it could cause conflict, pain or embarrassment [which most of the time it doesn’t]…
TELL THEM THE TRUTH.
Is it risky? Yes?
Will it totally change your life? Probably?
Risky, but simple: Tell the Truth.
When you’re willing to express the truth, and risk sharing it, you open up the world to accept you for who you are.
For real connection and love.
Love of you, not a false you.
You’re able to grow and continually discover.
It all of a sudden becomes OK to feel a certain way, and be a certain way, even if it is painful.
It is truly liberating.
Now you’re able to attract those people ready for, and looking for, you. People who know they want you.
You’re able to be true to others and give them something that connects with who they really are.
You have to be ready that telling the Truth also creates tension and pain [as telling lies does] – the only risk is short term ‘pain’ for long term connection and Truth, where lies almost always lead to long term pain.
And in opening up to the Truth, the one right choice to make in any situation, we also have to be prepared to take in the Truth from others, and allow them the freedom of Truth too.
The easiest way you can action this is to be honest 😉 and just let people know what you are doing and why.
Sure, they may find you a little weird or on drugs at first, but watch how your relationships become real and not a façade anymore.
Watch how they deepen and watch how you learn to accept pain and fear for the benefits they bring you.
Let them know they can say anything, and you’ll simply listen and not judge.
If you’re not willing to put your ‘stuff’ aside, don’t try this.
“If you don’t risk anything, you risk everything”
Thanks to my good friend Neil Asher for the inspiration.
Comments, rants or disagreements welcome @ firstname.lastname@example.org
Live Your Life by Design, my friend
Aradhana says: If you click on the Unlimited Success link above you’ll get an opportunity to meet Johnnie on video then you can hear the article in his own accent.